When Kola passed on, I became tired of myself, living the next day became a big deal for me as I gave up entirely on myself, my dreams, aspirations and proposed achievements.
I often wondered if God really existed and why he let my dear big brother die suddenly. Depression became my way of life and anxiety, the order of the day. I would weep none stop, shut myself out for days as I couldn’t handle losing my best friend and confidant forever.
Gradually, I began to experience emotional stress – then, I could decipher that suffering, worry and anxiety went together hand in hand. During those times, one of the major battles I waged with each day was Anxiety – living the next day, getting things done right seemed nearly impossible.
After several months of dealing with the rude shock of losing a loved one, I have become terrified and almost paralyzed with anxiety whenever someone in my home gets sick or I hear of someone’s death.
The fear of losing another family or close friend, in addition to the discomfort and unhappiness I face at work, especially from my boss – ‘The Editor’, creates great panic in my system. I lose my calm, get irritable, impatient and often times obsessive in my attempts to put things in order.
I have come to understand that because I’m a Christian – a genuine believer, I am not excluded from facing fear, doubts and anxieties.
God gave us a reassurance in 2 Timothy 1: 7, knowing fully well that as humans, fear and anxiety would always creep in, that was why He emphasized that “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love and of a sound mind.” Anchored on this promise is the fact that as believers, we have been equipped with the tools we need to fight this battle – against anxiety, sorrow and fear.
Since anxiety is a species of fear – the paralyzing fear of what if, of uncertainty, that something we which greatly dread might eventually happen; the main ingredient for overcoming this battle, is knowing, accepting or getting the assurance that everything is going to be ok.
As a believer, one must always remember that God’s promises are forever unshakable. Remember to consistently remind yourself of the great promises embedded in God’s word, especially at times when one’s peace of mind is threatened.
Don’t forget that in this space – the world we found ourselves in, there’s no given or certain assurance against anxiety and we are unfortunately surrounded by myriad real dangers resulting in an endless list of uncertainties. Little wonder human beings are always saddled with the burden of anxieties which only increase our misery by adding countless imagined dangers to the actual ones facing us.
The beautiful thing is that God, through His son – Jesus, stepped into the situations of this demonic and dangerous world where man’s greatest efforts to ensure safety, good health and peace of mind are unfortunately marred and defeated by death.
To be continued in the next post